Every Now and Again

Every now and again I let myself care.  I suppose it is that I forgot what the pain of rejection and dismissal feels like so I need to dip myself into those cold waters and swim until my limbs seize up and the breath is squeezed from my lungs and my heart feels as though it wants to burst.  Then, the only way to thaw myself is the shower of tears that fall.   My rational mind is mostly unaffected  it reminds my rather stupid emotive side that it knew better and had warned us.  There is not much to do but allow myself the luxury of irrationality from time to time.  The checks and balances of my psyche are a strange and marvelous thing. Actions are so important and if a persons words exceed their actions it is time to reconsider who that person is to you.  When you love someone, show it.  Be kind to them.  Treat them gently because life if difficult enough without adding to the burdens of our daily grind.  The Beatles sang that you have to hide your love away, and Goethe said *what business of yours is it if I love you* and I wonder anymore if there is truth here or simply too much of the pain that comes with opening yourself to the possibility of…. more.

Every now and again my heart wants to be found special and I mistake interest shown for something it is not… I do not understand why we cannot come with instructions and directions on how to find the parts of another that work in unison with our own.  Friends are just as precarious as the desire for lovers.  Too often we lose vital parts of ourselves in a quest to be liked.  Sometimes we give everything and get nothing not even emotional fulfillment.  An expensive lesson to learn… learn it the first time.  If you are fortunate enough to meet someone who gives back as much as if not more, love them well.

RB068_62857.1375490071.128__52107.1382016920.168.168Try not to be bullied by your heart, it is a drunk, blind fool and will drag you into the gutter of misery and defeat if it can.  Sadly, no one will heed these words.  People will continue to be reckless and ignorant when it comes to love.  But me, I am pretty sure that I am getting tired of the cold waters so much so that I won’t be going to the beach.


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