When you are at the end of all the options you can see; I mean really done, exhausted every avenue you could, chased down any and all the glimmers that you could, what do you do? Or what did you do? Or what did your mentor do?
The short answer is that I woke up every morning and did not give in to the pain, the defeat and the depression. I am happiest when I am busy. Most people are driven by the need to feel vital. When you lose everything your sense of being a functioning part of a machine vanishes.
I do not think anyone’s life is a walk in the park. The last 17 years of my life has been a fairly mixed bag with lots of lows the last three years in particular. I left an abusive relationship of more than 13 years. I married wrongly, but marriage is a commitment. I tried to make it work. I failed. He also failed but I cannot tell his story only mine.
Resolve and determination were not words I would use to describe how I got through. I surrendered to the process of just being. I found voices of comfort. I identified what hurt although I did not always know how to fix it. Often the process of sharing my desperation helped. I stopped telling people in my life that things were terrible. I smiled and soldiered on. People do not like to hear depressing news about people within their real life.
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